Are you married to your spouse....

... or the media?

When I created Stilettos & a fishing pole back in March 2010,

I began it with intentions of it being my "scrapbook". I used to be very involved in scrap booking & capturing memories. Technology grew and I was no longer getting pictures developed - I found myself uploading all my photos to my computer.

This made it very hard to scrapbook.

I instantly fell in love with blogging. I loved writing my thoughts and feelings &

looking back on mine & Aaron's life together. I began to "meet" people I never knew & also attach myself to their life & personalities. Soon, I began to {link-up} answering questions about myself & so on. I found this brought me to meet more bloggers - I loved it.  I found more people starting to follow my life & that was a big compliment.

I've always been a big social person - in school, with media, with strangers & with my closest people in my life. I've always been known as "the social butterfly" - in fact

that's one of the things my husband loves about me the most, how I interact with everyone.

Aaron on the other hand is more set back. He has to feel comfortable somewhere to stand out & social media was never his go-to. Actually, the only time he would connect with MySpace or Facebook back in the days when we would be on our "outs". For the most part, he could careless.

Me? I used to be a MySpace junkie & now a Facebook junkie.

This drives my husband insane. He's always nagging me about it - and until lately I've realized it's pretty serious. I'v also seen it in others relationships.
Ever notice it's easy to see what's wrong in other situations but not so much your own?
Well, I've see this be a problem in the past few weeks on different accounts.
My eyes were opened - I'm just as bad, if not worse.

I read books on how to be the wife God intended me to be religiously. I constantly strive to remind myself to do this and not that. Why haven't I woken up and smelled the coffee that {media} has taken me over. I do not like that.

I can not get in the car without posting {Dinner at Jalapenos with my Love} or

taking a picture (that he hates) to upload on FB or now twitter. My husband and I watch The Bachelor/ette when it aires - I started having to see what everyone else is posting or tweeting therefore it was no longer OUR time. I constantly had my phone dividing my time with my husband along with social media. This is not good. Our time is precious and I am wasting it away. How sad.

This year, I participated in LENT - I am southern baptist however I felt it was a great thing

to jump in and give something up for GOD.  And truthfully, not just for GOD but for my husband - I've chosen FB. I had a lot of questions on why I would do that -  and to be honest, it offended me a bit.  However, I continued on.  It's actually horrible to admit how many times I go to get on my FB app. Every stop light, grocery store line, etc. I never knew how much I depend on it to keep me entertained. Since I've given it up, I've become a tweeter & now an instagram-er. My husband has now started hiding my phone from me - this is sad. This is horrible and at first I found it funny but if this isn't a HUGE sign waving {Spend Time With Me}, I don't know what else is. Nothing is worth loosing my time with him. Really & disturbing.

My eyes began to see clearly and make me realize he wants my attention - he wants me.

Why would I give it to someone else? That being said, I'm really going to start focusing on

putting this horrible addiction/habit down. I'm not giving any of it up however, I need to put him first and not second. My marriage involves three people; Me, Aaron, & the media.  I can not let this happen any longer.

With all this being said,  I've been reading a lot of blogs on how Media has damaged their

marriages/relationships - another huge eye opener. I've had several people/bloggers admire my marriage {which is a huge compliment} and my husband {which is another huge compliment} for being what it is- remember it's not perfect. Clearly, because I wouldn't be writing this on my struggles. Remember that his grandmother once told me, Never bad mouth your husband in front of anyone, this way he always knows you are on his side. -I share my problems, not his nor ours.

Do you ever feel like you have the {Grass is Greener} Syndrome?

 "Every marriage has its good days and bad days, that’s the fact of life. However when your marriage is going through a particularly troubling time and you read blogs about how wonderful someone else’s life is or your old boyfriend connects up with you it can add additional undue stress to your marriage. When I was a newlywed I heard an older gentleman speaking on Dr. Dobson’s radio program about what made his marriage successful. He said “There were times in our marriage where I didn’t like my wife very much; there were times when she didn’t like me very much. The secret to a successful marriage is to not dislike each other at the same time. The other person can hold on for the both of you.” I have clung to that through the turbulent times in our marriage." - OurSimpleLife.com

I've run into this lately, only in a different light.  We as bloggers open up our home & life  to share to the world - such a wonderful thing,  as we do we also begin to see others lives & challenaging ourselves to envy other lifestyles and see what we don't have. I've picked this up recently and I am now putting it back down. This is not who I am. This is not what I am or what I want to become. I am not a jealous person nor do I live for what others have. I will admit I've found small pieces of me begin to think that way.  No more.

I absoultely love everyone we have together & at this time in our life, I want nothing else.

 

Is blogging starting to corrupt me?

No mam'. I know who I am which is a happily married woman living in a small house in the country- who drives a bright blue focus that I really do hate but a large payment is something I do not want - instead I want vacation. I won't buy expensive work out clothes because I think it's a waste - and I can hardly get myself to exercise period. I eat horribly in which I strive for the better. I struggle with household balance. I struggle with keeping my house clean.  I can not keep a plant a live for the life of me - besides my cactus.  I have a lot of faults and I am not afraid to say it. I am not perfect and sometimes I feel  in this blogging world - we are made to look perfect.  I am not a step ford wife & I never want to be a step ford wife. I never want to have it all together. I am not perfect, infact I don't even know what perfect stands for. I love this life of mine & I am going to continue to love it - and everything is has in it.

So -  are you married to your spouse or the media?

I did a link up incase anyone wants to write about their experience
or go into depth with their thoughts - however I'd love your feedback here also.

inside a relationship: take two

I would like to start off by expressing my love & gratitude
for all your sweet comments on my {inside a relationship} post a few days ago. I was so happy to see my words help you feel loved & supported.
Please know that is was my friends words who did the same thing to me
2.5 years ago. I hope you all open up & except yourself as a struggling wife or a learning wife. It's okay. Struggling may be considered stormy, but it's the rough patches that bring us to bigger better places. I've learned that. As long as you're willing to get to the bottom of it and make a difference - I believe you can overcome anything.

I wish you all can understand how much a a roller coaster ride my 11 years with Aaron has been. The best way I can get you to understand our {once upon a time} struggles is watch the movie, {The Break-Up}. When that came out, we had just gotten back together - went to see it & I'd say it was awkward for us. We were them {minus the comedy}. I can bet more than half my town {which is super small} never saw us getting married. So if you feel at the bottom of your unwinding relationship,
pick up {The Best Thing I Ever Did For My Marriage} and/OR
{Love & Respect} and read it.

You can thank me later.
Moving along....

I've been following Kelly from Kellys Korner for a while now.
Sadly, I haven't ever been a true follower. Until today. I saw her blog from another blog discussing what they were giving up for LENT.
On her header at the top of the page, I saw {Show Us Your Life}. I clicked & saw a listing of all things she discusses on Fridays through this link-up. Of course, my first eye catcher was {Marriage Advice}.

When I first started to read her marriage advice, I felt silly. Super silly.
Why? Because the first thing she stated was this...

"I have been married almost 8 years but I have to say - I don't like giving advice because I don't feel like I have it all figured out myself. I will share a few things I have learned."


Here I am, or there I was just a few days ago giving my advice
& I've only been married for shy of 6 months.
I immediately wanted to express myself & stress to everyone who read my post that day & the days to follow just how much I don't know about marriage. Clearly I have a long way to go. So, before I go any further I want to clarify my words & base them on any relationship between a man & a woman who are married or maybe see themselves being married somewhere in your future. I did state that I was writing what I thought helped a marriage OR possible marriage one day - but I wanted to make it understood.
Clearly I haven't learned or developed my thoughts based on just shy of six months.

I want you all to understand that my amazing friend Rachel came to me the December {2009} before getting engaged with the book that changed me -
the book that I believe was the best thing I ever did for myself and my relationship with Aaron. We were not even engaged yet & at a good place. But education and maybe a different way of seeing things is never a bad thing to look into. It wasn't until a whole year later we got engaged. And I truley believe our relationship grew stronger that year {2010} by my changes & realization on certain things. He never knew what was in that book.
So please understand, I clearly am not saying this is the way to go. But I do encourage it. THESE reasons are the {must haves} to a strong marriage/relationship {my opinion}. They are what I believe in. They are what I've learned in two years of studying how to be the wife God intended me to be. They've brought me to a much happier place.

I struggle of course. Everyday, all the time.
But I know we are solid. When I get weak and see these things lacking, I pick the
book back up and start reading. Reminding myself & encouraging myself.

So enough of that.
Back to {inside a relationship. take two}.

I think I've mentioned before that I am in a book study every Tuesday night
with a few friends of mine. We are studying "The Politically Incorrect Wife."
Great book & it's recommended.

Yesterday, I read chapter 8 and it covered how your husband is put first.
Over your parents, your friends, hobbies{blog} & even your children.
It totally touched me in so many ways.  I went over how the author once asked her husband "If you could change one thing about me, what would you change."
Instantly he replied, "I would change your mothering habits."
Wow! That hit home. If you were to ask me if I thought I "mothered" Aaron.
I would have said "No! No way." - however when it gave me examples -
It put me in my spot immediately.
It states {be your husbands wife. he already has a mother.}
Just think about it. Your husband or lover is your greatest friend, do your friends outside of your relationship with your lover "mother' you? Probably not.
Basically, if he wants to wear a certain thing. {me!} Let him. He is a big boy.  Don't remind him of his beer belly. Don't nag at him for leaving the clothes on the floor or the wet towels on the floor {me!} Don't treat him like a child. Respect him as your husband &
let him make his choices. He is the leader of your household.

This is something I am now working on. When I came home from study, I planned to ask Aaron that same question. However, he was exhausted from work and not really in his peppy mood. I decided to save it for later - a better time when I'd get the true answer.
I'd love for you to ask your men this & comment back with what he says.

Back to today / Running into Kellys blog.

I ran into her blog after commenting on Aly's post on participating in LENT.
I hopped over to her blog & she shared pretty much the same thing I shared with Aly.
I thought it was ironic.

{Is this GOD speaking to me?}

Okay, {getting off track here, sorry.} so she shared this link-up back on June 22, 2011.
I went back and read most every ones advice. I copied their addresses down linking to their advice and plan to share some of them next Tuesday at book study.
I also want to share them with you.

My advice topics were:
---------------------
♥ Love & Respect.
Respect your husband

♥ Never stop dating.
Date Nights

♥Conversation/Communication
with Family
HOW you come across/tone of voice

♥Desire your husband always

♥Your appearance

to read everything written out, go here.

Be sure to read Kellys advice. I knew I was drawn to this blog for a reason
because she started out with {Love & Respect} quoting the same
verses from the bible as I was sharing the other day. God is good!

Meet Whitney. {Married for 2.5 years} Another {Love & Respect} + some advice. Instantly felt connected to this post. I love how she urges couples to {argue} & to do things separately.

Kristen said two things that really struck my heart.
She mentions something her MIL taught her & something I've heard before but never paid attention to. She mentions how {women set the tones for their home}. LOVED that.
She also states at the very end {separate rooms for TV watching} - This is a rule in our home. No TV in our bedroom. Never. Think about it.

Kat wrote something that totally struck me.
She discussed how it was importany to keep your love private. Something
I'm very guilty of... only NOT keeping it private.

THIS newly wed made me feel sane, however she discuss the importance
of {getting intimate} in a marriage. I believe sex is very important.
Very important. Extremely.

I really loved Andreas advice on how important it is to be teammates.
It's a must read.

Remember how I ended my first post talking about how much
work a relationship really is. Well, Taylin shared advice that was
given to her by her parents. It's very short & sweet but I felt drawn to her dad's advice
because with mine and Aaron's worst {lowest} point in our relationship, I realized how much work is put into it. I felt if her Dad was in front of me when reading that, I would have hugged him very tight. I even gave her a shout out to give to him.

Lori gives a handful of advice but very much heart felt.
I love how she discusses how {Love is not a fairytale}. I agree with her however
I do believe in fairytale. I just believe everyone love story {& if you're married you have one} has their own fairytale. But yes, I do agree with what she says.

Courtney has a guest blogger that she linked-up. Starts with discussing the book {The Language of Love & Respect} but also  covers how you can get in a icky spot if you are one to read romance novels. Good story.

Ohhh there is SO many. I'm getting something from ALL of them.
I have several more I'd love to point out, but I'd be here all day with 132 {Marriage Advice} post.  Go back to Kellys Korner and find this post under her headline pages -so worth it. I'm still reading of them as I'm typing this post.

But before I wrap it up. I want you to visit Hannah.
Hannah didn't give advice. However she
shared a questionnaire that I plan to do with Aaron sometime this week.
It's really great.

And last but not least.
This is probably my newest favorite blog/website. I'll be here for some time, I know it.  Meet Courtney from WomanLivingWell.Org.
Wow. I'm overwhelmed with excitement. Read it. Mark it. Add it to your favorites.
Make sure to watch all of her sidebar videos - and don't miss out on the first video
where is visits The Rachel Ray show. Amazing!

She also provides a wonderful {FREE} printable
on Love & Respect here.
It's amazing & I'm started TODAY.

--------------------------------------------------

Last thing I promise.
Kat {mentioned up there} also shared an Emily Post Etitquette.I'm a die hard fan of Emily Post. But this was soemthing I really enjoyed reading.

How many times has one heard some one say: “I won’t dress for dinner—no one is coming in.” Or, “That old dress will do!” Old clothes! No manners! And what is the result? One wife more wonders why her husband neglects her! Curious how the habit of careless manners and the habit of old clothes go together. If you doubt it, put the question to yourself: “Who could possibly have the manners of a queen in a gray flannel wrapper? And how many women really lovely and good—especially good—commit esthetic suicide by letting themselves slide down to where they “feel natural” in an old gray flannel wrapper, not only actually but mentally. The woman of charm in “company” is the woman of fastidiousness at home; she who dresses for her children and “prinks” for her husband’s home-coming, is sure to greet them with greater charm than she who thinks whatever she happens to have on is “good enough.” Any old thing good enough for those she loves most! Think of it!

why {Your Appearance} is important. I absoutlely L.O.V.E.D this. Everything about it. It falls under my examples of