Monday, January 3, 2011

What a Bummer!

We are having to change our date!
I am very sad!

Here's why:

New Years Eve, We showed up to our friends house. Everyone asking to see my ring and give both of us big hugs! Walking up to a young lady who is engaged to an old friend of ours, she asks to see my ring and in the same words says; I need to tell you something. [PAUSE] We have the same wedding date!
Do what?
Now... They were freaking out. I wasn't thinking this was that big of a deal. Yes, it sucked to think that we wouldn't be there to watch each other get married, but... later I found out Aaron's best friend, Jon is in their wedding! I told myself I wasn't gonna spend New Years stressing, being that was my resolution.
They kept wanting to talk about it and kept saying We can change our date. I would never want anyone to change their date because of me. They've been engaged a year. We haven't!
However, I spent New Years Day deciding what we were gonna do.
We couldn't imagine not having Jon & Shanna being there on our day. Especially since we planned to ask Jon to be in the wedding party. I was VERY sad about moving our date. Especially since there isn't much to choose. September 17th was a random date for us anyway. But I was really set on it.
The only date left - October 15th. Which means I'd be moving it back && that month is already wedding galore! Frown! Later that night, Aaron informed me it was the opening day of Hunting Season. September 17th was the opening day of Bow season, but October 15th is WAY more serious.
Also, when I sent a text out to my family telling them the new date, my cousin informed me it was the year anniversary of my Uncles death. Big Frown. After many phones calls and asking my cousin if it would be okay [his response was of course, it would make it a happy day] I decided the 15th was NOT good.
I can't imagine what it would be like having to spend my anniversary on opening day of hunting season.
It may be okay now and the next few years... but eventually, I do believe I'd had to share.
I am NOT okay with that. Not saying we have to do something big every year, but still...
I don't wanna be alone on our anniversary. Not happening!

So... It's not in stone, but we may be going with September 3, 2011!

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On another note:
Maybe I should or maybe I shouldn't write about this, but writing helps my bothers.
To make a really long story short, I have this friend who was my bestest friend all through out high school and college. We've grown apart in the past two years due to stupid crap.
However, we still met for lunch, we still played "okay" with each other. Deep inside, she has had something like a grudge towards me. I don't know. I've been getting over it in the past 6 months.

She's been with her boyfriend for over 5 years now & very badly wants to get engaged.
When I sent the massive text out to everyone, of course I sent it to her. I got:
Congrats! I'm happy for you.
Nothing else. No call, no email, no nothing when I shared information on Facebook.
Nothing.
I was very hurt.
All of my friends, my fiance' and everyone else said to let it go.
Do not let jealousy get in the way. But, this is a girl I always thought would be excited for this day in my life.
She KNOWS that I've dreamed of this day my entire life. She KNOWS how big it is to me, or any other girl in this world.
I was very hurt.
Today, my best friend [ my MOH] texts me and says the girl is engaged.
First thought: Why am I hearing about this through another friend? She didn't even call or text me?
Second thought: Yay for her!
I went to FB and saw where she posted it alright.
Being the better person, I wrote very happy thoughts. I also text ed her and her hubby to be!
She immediately text ed back and said
 Thank you!
I'm excited for you and Aaron! I saw where you set a date!~
I became crushed INSTANTLY.
1. - Now you're gonna be excited for Aaron and I? Where were you a week ago?
2. You saw where I posted my date, yet STILL couldn't comment.
3. I'm sad and wanna cry.

I don't know what to do really. Nothing I can do. But, I feel as if its awkward.
If you knew the relationship between the two of us [prior to two years ago]
you would understand a little more. But she has continued to hurt me through these past two years.
I'm having a hard time, a very hard time brushing these feelings off. I can't just let go.

Have any of you blogger friends dealt with anything like this before?
Help me. What would you do if you were me?
What I don't want, is for her to think it's okay to be happy for me now that she is engaged too.
That's not okay with me!
This is the LAST post you will hear me talk about her or this situation.
I still would love your advice!
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On a happier note!
I have a lot planned already for January!
ALL my bridesmaid/Matron of Honor/ Maid of Honor
has agreed to be apart of my special day, except one! I still have to send her
Bridesmaid Card to her. I've been putting their cards in random spots/locations, where I am NOT around, asking them to be apart of our day. It's been great. Kerri, my SIL lives too far out,  therefore I will have to mail hers.
First Time Dress Shopping - January 15th
Going to listen & watch a Band that could be... - January 15th [PM]
Engagements Photos - January 16th
The ladies I used to work for are taking me out to celebrate our engagement - January 22nd
Bridal Show - January 31st [Our 10 year anniversary]

10 comments:

The Wife In Her New Life said...

I'm so happy you guys could figure out a new date! Yay for being so open to this so that your dear friends could be a part of it!!
I have had a similar experience with an ex-friend...we were inseparable! I have tons and tons of pictures of the two of us. we lived together for 3 years. I knew her and her boyfriend didn't like the guy I was dating but really, that should not push you away unless he's mean to them, which he wasn't. he was just an ass in general =/ One day I came home from being away from a weekend (3 mos after breaking up with this guy) and she has moved out and taken just about everything -- including some of my kitchen stuff =/ She didn't leave and note and hasnt' spoken to me since. I have no idea what happened. She got engaged I said congrats and sent her a personal email about missing her and at least trying to figure out what happened between us. I got nothing back. It still hurts but you have to let it go. She should have been excited for you immediately -- NOT when it was convenient and exciting for her. It's hurtful and at this point, based on the way she is treating you, she isn't being a good friend. =/ i'm sorry you are having to deal with this and that she is being so bad to you =(
This is supposed to be a super happy time in your life -- she was obviously SUPER jealous -- don't let her get you down hun!
PS: We had to set our date around the opening of Turkey Season here in FL! =) I know the feeling ;)

Rebekah said...

I'm so glad you guys figured out a date! Even though it wasn't your first pick, it's alright! You have a lot of great things to look forward to this month! How fun!

Sheri said...

regarding your friend: It's hard to be happy for someone who has something you want so desperately...like REALLY hard. She did text back initially and did tell you congratulations, she just didn't meet your expectations of how you thought she should react. I really hope you don't take that wrong, but you can't determine how someone will react. Maybe she read it while staring at a ticket on her windshield, maybe she and her now fiance had just had a discussion about marriage and it didn't go where she wanted it to go, maybe she just burned dinner or maybe she was just heartbroken that it hadn't happened to her yet.

I wouldn't read too much in to it. I think she's the one you mentioned before and I know you've been trying to mend hurts for a while, I think the fact that you got a reply is awesome. And a better reply a week later is even better.

Marian said...

First...your January sounds so exciting!!! My first dress search (which ironically was the day after Thanksgiving) was a blast...even though I was an extra 5-10 pounds:) You are going to love it all.

Second, I'm so sorry about the date!! I can only imagine what it is like. A bunch of friends and myself all got engaged around the same time. Well, actually we got engaged first, we were just the last to have our wedding being engaged for over 2 years. But soon after we were engaged, everyone else seemed to be getting the bug as well and we were so worried we would wind up with the same date as someone else. But you have to realize, it is your big day...and in the end, its the two of you...you are the ones that matter.

I'm sure everything will work out in the end.

xoxo

Ana said...

Friendships are ultimately a relationship. Sometimes, you don't really get along, but you power through. Other days, it's easy and you have nothing that bothers you. Sometimes, though, friendships evolve and that evolution is a place where you're no longer friends.

Over the past two years, I have to mourn the loss of two extremely close friends. These two women would have been in my wedding, but as of today, I don't even talk to them. If I see them, it's because other people brought them around. It's hard to deal with it because you don't see how something that was awesome for so long can be donezo.

It's like a break up. If you want to share in her happiness that's great, but if she doesn't want to share in yours, just know that she's just not that into you. It may feel raw, but you are surrounded by plenty of other people that love you and will make a difference in your life for the positive!

Chin up! Besides, you've got a lot of planning to do!

Ashly Strickland said...

I know it must be frustrating having only a "tentative" date but on a happier note, I did see in my Knot magazine that September 3rd is the best day to get married this year :) Same place I saw the Farmer's Almanac comment I sent you the other day! No matter what date you choose, It will be the most beautiful day you can dream of!

Jenna Renee said...

We haven't planned our date yet, but hopefully we don't hit so many speed bumps. Hopefully this is the last time you have to make any date changes!

As for the friend, I can understand why you would be upset, but I can also understand her stress too. Being with Joe over 5 years before he proposed was hard on me. My friends who had only been together for a year or so and getting engaged really hurt me. Two of my best friends were bitching and moaning about how their boyfriends hadn't proposed yet. I seriously wanted to slap them! They hadn't been with their boys even half as long as I had been with Joe.

So I can see both sides, especially since you and Aaron had been together almost 10 years before he proposed. But I wouldn't read too much in to your friends hostility, she's obviously just jealous and she has no reason to be, you have been with Aaron a LOT longer than her and her man, and sometimes people have to wait!

Kristin said...

O MY!!! I've soo not been checking up on my blog friend this past couple of weeks. I just made my first post in like 2 weeks a min ago!!!
I'm so happy for you!!!! I wish I could come do your cake!!!! but I totally cant now even if i could!!! go read my post UGH!!
anyways!!! I'm soo super happy for you!! That is so exciting!!!!
Looks like you've got it all planned out!!! That stinks about your friend. Maybe you should try to talk to her about it and tell her exactly how you feel. If she can't except honesty then maybe she isn't such a good friend.
Me and my high school bff fell out senior year. Still haven't talked to this day.
But i do hope it all works out for you!!
but i do hope it all workes out.

Marcy XOXO said...

Hey girlie girl! Geez I feel like you and me were seperated at birth! Haha we went through the same thing with having to change the date... we have been engaged since Christmas day of last year and I so badly wanted to get married the same year. We aren't po' folk but we really couldn't afford a wedding all ourselves. My dad and step Mother have agreed to help but could not really manage to do it by the date we had picked out in October. I cried... and I cried... and I cried some more! I felt so foolish but apparently you turn into an emotional mess when you get that ring on yo' finger??? Who knew? Also, I had a best friend of mine. Literally we are two peas in a pod tell me that she hated me and thought Kevin (HTB) was disgusting and ugly and a bunch of other horrible things after we got together. Mind you she wasn't there for me during some of the most happiest or difficult times in my life. AND it made me so sad that I was beyond willing to do anythhing for her or be there for her at the drop of a hat... I know what you are going through and it sucks. At the same time you have so much to look forward to... don't let her get you down during this amazing time! Praying for you sweetie ;)

April Rowell said...

First of all, Congratulations on your engagement! I hope you have a fun time planning it and don't get too stressed. I did not enjoy my planning time very much because it's stressful and I tried to please everyone when I should have just pleased myself. Now, on the friend subject, I have had my share of dissolving friendships. Sometimes it just happens and it's for a reason. My best advice to you is to just let it go. (I know it's hard. I've spent many of nights refreshing someone's Facebook page just so I could keep up with them minute by minute. What a waste of time!) Just remind yourself that you cannot make people be your friend. If she was really your friend then she would act like it. I've learned that there comes a time in life when you just have to weed out people especially when you know they plucked you out of their garden of friendship a long time ago. Just think of all the amazing friends and family you do have and put all that time and effort into them and not your friend if she isn't willing to do the same. I really hope everything turns out great and I wish you the best in planning the big day.