Monday, December 19, 2011

The Story of {Fart Where?}

Ohhh boy... {deep breath}
here goes nothing.

last week - Thursday to be exact
I answered an honest Q: to a fill in the blank...

Q: 3. Fill in the blank.
You know your comfortable with your spouse when you _____________.
A: Fart in the same bath water.
Need I say more?

please people.
let me tell you my momma would be ashamed if she knew I used the word
f.a.r.t! That being said in this case...
it was flat out fart.

why?
{it's about to get to the extreme}
because have you ever smelled bath water fart?
let's get real.
it just not right.
in fact, it's like a million times worse than a regular
stank back door area blow out.

Oh yes...
you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Now, let me take you to the right frame of mind.
I need you to know that bath time is my favorite time of the day.
I never shower unless, of course, I'm not in my own home.
I take baths every day.
sometimes in the morning - sometimes at night.

this is the o.n.l.y time of the day besides when I sleep
that I actually STOP & have true Jessica time.
half of the time my mind doesn't turn off when I'm asleep anyway.
No work. No Maid Service. No Wife. No Cooking.
Me time.

enough of that.
moving right along.


i love my baths.
sometimes they are 15 minutes
sometimes they can go for a hour or long.
a whole lot of suds &
99.999% I refill my bath with hott water more than once.
I sit. I relax. I think. Sometime Sleep.
basically this....





my husband thinks baths are disgusting and you can't possibly get clean
while sitting in your dirty water.

who cares.
I still take them.
we don't take them together.

Not on this day.
Before I take to you the day ... Hmmm How can I describe this -
the day  it bubbled up.
I need you to know I saw this fill-in-the-blank on Facebook
The Nest 's page posted on my news feed.
So I re-posted it on my facebook & got a lot of same answers
everyone answered last Thursday.
Okay so back to the day it bubbled up.

Drum Roll

It was a great day at work but a long one.

I came home started dinner & run my bath.

Aaron was deer hunting.

the house was quite.

So quite.

In no time - I was about to relax.

closing my eyes.

falling asleep.

relaxed I was.

...

I couldn't be to long because I had dinner cooking
therefore I started my bath ritual.


shave my left leg.

wash my body.

shave my right leg.

Usually it's washing my hair next but
by this time Aaron came home.

He doesn't usually bother me while I'm in the bath but
it's a crazy must do to kiss me when he first sees me after work {or whatever}
So he does. {TMI}
Nothing sexual is happening here. OKAY.

moving right along.

So he proceeds to tell me that he missed a deer.
{aka shot at one & the bullet did NOT kill him.. the deer - sad I know}
he was as sad as a little child.
however I get it.
Aaron just doesn't miss.
He's been doing this for TOO.LONG.
missing just doesn't happen.

back to him being sad.
he's sad. I'm sorry for him. but please....
let me return to my hott bath.
Nope.
Stripping his clothes he does.

"Ummm.. what are you doing?"

{Crooked smile}

"Are you getting in here with me?"

{Crooked smile... with a slight nod yes}
his leg enters

"Geez, let me let some of the water out"

TIME OUT!
I forgot one VERY important part.
Our bathtub.
It is not fancy or big by any means.
Its just a regular tub.
It can not fit two adults in it.
Picture this.

Now.
Picture two adults in the tub.
This was not a sexual thing therefore it is not TMI.
Okay maybe it really is.

Lover is describing how upset he is about missing this deer.
It hasn't been a great season for him... on top of missing it.
He really was down in the dumps. {almost literally}
Me ... 
I was confused on what to do {because really.. I was squished}
He's talking...

and talking...

and frowning...

I want to die laughing because really... it's hilarious we are both
knee high {literally} in this tub.

but I don't. I just stare at him & act concerned.

He's sad.

I want my alone time.

He's talking...

I hear
Loud... VERY LOUD
...
Well you know.
& s.e.r.i.o.u.s bubbles.

he laughs.
he laughs more.
he laughs harder.
he got kicked out of the tub.
I no longer cared about his feelings...
he thinks it's hilarious.
I'm pissed.


Just how many of you thought I WAS THE ONE
who fluffed?
Wrong. Never. Not me.

18 comments:

Rebecca said...

haha this is too funny! I feel like if he can do that around you and you can feel comfortable without makeup on around him, well then youre just set!

brlracincwgrl said...

Ha, ha! I was giggling out loud sitting at my desk. This is TOO funny!

Pamela said...

hahaha I love this!! Way too funny!!

Ashley said...

That is Great!!!

Steph@ Living The Young Life said...

o lord.. i should be working yes i should but i am cracking up tear filled with laughter and they girl setting beside me thinks i'm crazayyyyy....this is GREAT!!!

Carrie said...

Hahahahaha!!!!! So funny. But probably not to you at the time!!!!!

Ashley N. said...

HAHAHAHA aw.

Ali said...

haha omg thats exactly what I would've done too. Sorry dude, you just farted in my bath water?? You're OUTTA HERE. And then I would've started a new bath and taken my sweet time.

Rochelle said...

This post had me laughing so hard. haha

Lindsey said...

oh my. NO WORDS. Ever since I moved to my new house I have been obsessed with baths now that I have a jacuzzi tub. I'm telling you jacuzzi jets will change your life. Legit bubbles not brought on by your hubs ass! hahahahahaha sick.

OK anywho - i'm with you on baths being so relaxing.

Krystal said...

I'm pretty convinced now that there is never a dull moment at your house!! That is a funny story!!

April Rowell said...

Hilarious!!!!!! Loved this post!

Army Wife♥ said...

I'm sitting on the sofa reading your blog while the hubby is playing collage football on the Wii and I laughed out loud and my hubby asked me what, I was laughing at and Yes I read it to him and he laughed too. Thanks for the good laugh!! Love it!!

lori said...

hahaha! i would definitely kick my hubs out of the tub... so funny.

i love my relaxing bath time, too!

Ophelia said...

ahaha that was hilarious. Also!! I wanted to share with you that tonight, on my long 8 hour drive, i discovered a chickfila, immediately stopped and got my favorite order, and funny enough i thought of you and the last share your world post

♥ Marcy ♥ said...

I am crying! That is so funny!!!

dottie said...

Best post ever!! Omg, I'm dying. Yes, that's when you know you are comfortable with your significant other!

Made my day!!! Ha, ha!!!

shay said...

its sad to say, but i too have been in the same boat -- tub as you. except i was the one that left, out of pure disgust and hopped into the shower instead... the things we put up with! LOL