The Story of {Fart Where?}

Ohhh boy... {deep breath}

here goes nothing.

last week - Thursday to be exact

I answered an honest Q: to a fill in the blank...

Q: 3. Fill in the blank.

You know your comfortable with your spouse when you _____________.

A: Fart in the same bath water.

Need I say more?

please people.

let me tell you my momma would be ashamed if she knew I used the word

f.a.r.t! That being said in this case...

it was flat out fart.

why?

{it's about to get to the extreme}

because have you ever smelled bath water fart?

let's get real.

it just not right.

in fact, it's like a million times worse than a regular

stank back door area blow out.

Oh yes...

you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Now, let me take you to the right frame of mind.

I need you to know that bath time is my favorite time of the day.

I never shower unless, of course, I'm not in my own home.

I take baths every day.

sometimes in the morning - sometimes at night.

this is the o.n.l.y time of the day besides when I sleep

that I actually STOP & have true Jessica time.

half of the time my mind doesn't turn off when I'm asleep anyway.

No work. No Maid Service. No Wife. No Cooking.

Me time.

enough of that.

moving right along.

i love my baths.

sometimes they are 15 minutes

sometimes they can go for a hour or long.

a whole lot of suds &

99.999% I refill my bath with hott water more than once.

I sit. I relax. I think. Sometime Sleep.

basically this....

{via}

my husband thinks baths are disgusting and you can't possibly get clean

while sitting in your dirty water.

who cares.

I still take them.

we don't take them together.

Not on this day.

Before I take to you the day ... Hmmm How can I describe this -

the day  it bubbled up.

I need you to know I saw this fill-in-the-blank on Facebook

The Nest 's page posted on my news feed.

So I re-posted it on my facebook & got a lot of same answers

everyone answered last Thursday.

Okay so back to the day it bubbled up.

Drum Roll

It was a great day at work but a long one.

I came home started dinner & run my bath.

Aaron was deer hunting.

the house was quite.

So quite.

In no time - I was about to relax.

closing my eyes.

falling asleep.

relaxed I was.

...

I couldn't be to long because I had dinner cooking

therefore I started my bath ritual.

shave my left leg.

wash my body.

shave my right leg.

Usually it's washing my hair next but

by this time Aaron came home.

He doesn't usually bother me while I'm in the bath but

it's a crazy must do to kiss me when he first sees me after work {or whatever}

So he does. {TMI}

Nothing sexual is happening here. OKAY.

moving right along.

So he proceeds to tell me that he missed a deer.

{aka shot at one & the bullet did NOT kill him.. the deer - sad I know}

he was as sad as a little child.

however I get it.

Aaron just doesn't miss.

He's been doing this for TOO.LONG.

missing just doesn't happen.

back to him being sad.

he's sad. I'm sorry for him. but please....

let me return to my hott bath.

Nope.

Stripping his clothes he does.

"Ummm.. what are you doing?"

{Crooked smile}

"Are you getting in here with me?"

{Crooked smile... with a slight nod yes}

his leg enters

"Geez, let me let some of the water out"

TIME OUT!

I forgot one VERY important part.

Our bathtub.
It is not fancy or big by any means.
Its just a regular tub.
It can not fit two adults in it.
Picture this.

Now.
Picture two adults in the tub.
This was not a sexual thing therefore it is not TMI.
Okay maybe it really is.

Lover is describing how upset he is about missing this deer.
It hasn't been a great season for him... on top of missing it.
He really was down in the dumps. {almost literally}
Me ... 
I was confused on what to do {because really.. I was squished}
He's talking...

and talking...

and frowning...

I want to die laughing because really... it's hilarious we are both
knee high {literally} in this tub.

but I don't. I just stare at him & act concerned.

He's sad.

I want my alone time.

He's talking...

I hear
Loud... VERY LOUD
...
Well you know.
& s.e.r.i.o.u.s bubbles.

he laughs.
he laughs more.
he laughs harder.
he got kicked out of the tub.
I no longer cared about his feelings...
he thinks it's hilarious.
I'm pissed.


Just how many of you thought I WAS THE ONE
who fluffed?
Wrong. Never. Not me.