Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Are you married to your spouse....

... or the media?

When I created Stilettos & a fishing pole back in March 2010,
I began it with intentions of it being my "scrapbook". I used to be very involved in scrap booking & capturing memories. Technology grew and I was no longer getting pictures developed - I found myself uploading all my photos to my computer.
This made it very hard to scrapbook.

I instantly fell in love with blogging. I loved writing my thoughts and feelings &
looking back on mine & Aaron's life together. I began to "meet" people I never knew & also attach myself to their life & personalities. Soon, I began to {link-up} answering questions about myself & so on. I found this brought me to meet more bloggers - I loved it.  I found more people starting to follow my life & that was a big compliment.

I've always been a big social person - in school, with media, with strangers & with my closest people in my life. I've always been known as "the social butterfly" - in fact
that's one of the things my husband loves about me the most, how I interact with everyone.
Aaron on the other hand is more set back. He has to feel comfortable somewhere to stand out & social media was never his go-to. Actually, the only time he would connect with MySpace or Facebook back in the days when we would be on our "outs". For the most part, he could careless.

Me? I used to be a MySpace junkie & now a Facebook junkie.
This drives my husband insane. He's always nagging me about it - and until lately I've realized it's pretty serious. I'v also seen it in others relationships.
Ever notice it's easy to see what's wrong in other situations but not so much your own?
Well, I've see this be a problem in the past few weeks on different accounts.
My eyes were opened - I'm just as bad, if not worse.
I read books on how to be the wife God intended me to be religiously. I constantly strive to remind myself to do this and not that. Why haven't I woken up and smelled the coffee that {media} has taken me over. I do not like that.

I can not get in the car without posting {Dinner at Jalapenos with my Love} or
taking a picture (that he hates) to upload on FB or now twitter. My husband and I watch The Bachelor/ette when it aires - I started having to see what everyone else is posting or tweeting therefore it was no longer OUR time. I constantly had my phone dividing my time with my husband along with social media. This is not good. Our time is precious and I am wasting it away. How sad.

This year, I participated in LENT - I am southern baptist however I felt it was a great thing
to jump in and give something up for GOD.  And truthfully, not just for GOD but for my husband - I've chosen FB. I had a lot of questions on why I would do that -  and to be honest, it offended me a bit.  However, I continued on.  It's actually horrible to admit how many times I go to get on my FB app. Every stop light, grocery store line, etc. I never knew how much I depend on it to keep me entertained. Since I've given it up, I've become a tweeter & now an instagram-er. My husband has now started hiding my phone from me - this is sad. This is horrible and at first I found it funny but if this isn't a HUGE sign waving {Spend Time With Me}, I don't know what else is. Nothing is worth loosing my time with him. Really & disturbing.
My eyes began to see clearly and make me realize he wants my attention - he wants me.
Why would I give it to someone else? That being said, I'm really going to start focusing on
putting this horrible addiction/habit down. I'm not giving any of it up however, I need to put him first and not second. My marriage involves three people; Me, Aaron, & the media.  I can not let this happen any longer.

With all this being said,  I've been reading a lot of blogs on how Media has damaged their
marriages/relationships - another huge eye opener. I've had several people/bloggers admire my marriage {which is a huge compliment} and my husband {which is another huge compliment} for being what it is- remember it's not perfect. Clearly, because I wouldn't be writing this on my struggles. Remember that his grandmother once told me, Never bad mouth your husband in front of anyone, this way he always knows you are on his side. -I share my problems, not his nor ours.

Do you ever feel like you have the {Grass is Greener} Syndrome?

 "Every marriage has its good days and bad days, that’s the fact of life. However when your marriage is going through a particularly troubling time and you read blogs about how wonderful someone else’s life is or your old boyfriend connects up with you it can add additional undue stress to your marriage. When I was a newlywed I heard an older gentleman speaking on Dr. Dobson’s radio program about what made his marriage successful. He said “There were times in our marriage where I didn’t like my wife very much; there were times when she didn’t like me very much. The secret to a successful marriage is to not dislike each other at the same time. The other person can hold on for the both of you.” I have clung to that through the turbulent times in our marriage." - OurSimpleLife.com

I've run into this lately, only in a different light.  We as bloggers open up our home & life  to share to the world - such a wonderful thing,  as we do we also begin to see others lives & challenaging ourselves to envy other lifestyles and see what we don't have. I've picked this up recently and I am now putting it back down. This is not who I am. This is not what I am or what I want to become. I am not a jealous person nor do I live for what others have. I will admit I've found small pieces of me begin to think that way.  No more.
I absoultely love everyone we have together & at this time in our life, I want nothing else.

Is blogging starting to corrupt me?

No mam'. I know who I am which is a happily married woman living in a small house in the country- who drives a bright blue focus that I really do hate but a large payment is something I do not want - instead I want vacation. I won't buy expensive work out clothes because I think it's a waste - and I can hardly get myself to exercise period. I eat horribly in which I strive for the better. I struggle with household balance. I struggle with keeping my house clean.  I can not keep a plant a live for the life of me - besides my cactus.  I have a lot of faults and I am not afraid to say it. I am not perfect and sometimes I feel  in this blogging world - we are made to look perfect.  I am not a step ford wife & I never want to be a step ford wife. I never want to have it all together. I am not perfect, infact I don't even know what perfect stands for. I love this life of mine & I am going to continue to love it - and everything is has in it.

So -  are you married to your spouse or the media?

I did a link up incase anyone wants to write about their experience
or go into depth with their thoughts - however I'd love your feedback here also.


http://sweetcanadian.blogspot.com/ said...

I love your blog, hate how big the title is now. I am OCD & it is driving me crazy, so distracting i can barely read your posts these days.

With that being said, i love my fb games, blogger & the knot but i can go days without getting online & i do not have fb on my phone anymore, i found it too annoying.

Katie said...

Oh girl you are so right! I am on my phone soo much. I actually don't have cell service in my office, which is REALLY nice, but I am still distracted from life after work.. I might just have to draw up a post on this myself.

And your St. Patty's Day looked like so much fun!!!


Nichole said...

This was one of the best blog posts I have read so far. I am not married but realize I tend to do this with friends. Thanks for the eye opener!

Anonymous said...

This is definitely a great post, it is so true that there are relationships out there that now include three "people" because the media has snuck its way in there.

Luckily I try my hardest to stay off of the computer and my phone when my other half is home that way I can devote more time and attention to him.

Dawn said...

I love your topic today. I scrapbook and blog and sometimes I wonder how much is too much. But I love recording things too and am also trying to balance recording life and making sure not to forget to live it too.

Jill said...

You couldnt have said it any better!

My problem too is facebook facebook facebook and now instagram and pinterest. Lord help me!

I have my 18 month old daughter as you may know or remember I am constantly taking up my phone and snapping pictures of her (heck I have over 1000) I have to keep reloading the pics into my laptop to clear my phone! And yes I would LOVE to scrapbook I just dont know where to find the time OR money!

But Yes I def want to try and TONE IT DOWN on my social media front. I do spend lots of time with my daugher but I find myself EVERYWHERE I go weather its walking outside with her I have my darn facebook app up and as my eye is on her too it should be SOLELY on her and not caring about the "facebook" world. Its a huge addiction of mine and I realize I do need to tone it down! There is lots more to life then facebook. No one (at least that I know) lives in the here and now. We sit at dinner or are with friends and everyone has their phones out (on facebook) or other social media.

Theres always something I swear! Once I actually put my phone down for 2 hours and it felt AMAZING not having someone trying to contact me or checking my stuff every other minute. Try it sometime maybe an hour first! Time for just you or you and hubby :) loved your post girl!

Shayna said...

You hit the nail on the head here girl! My boyfriend & I were just talking about this same thing the other day! As we talk more seriously about being engaged & eventually married, this exact topic came up. He said it was really pretty annoying sometimes & he would like for me to switch my main focus' away from, FB, Twitter & blogging to him & our life together. It was a reality check that definitely stung a little bit! However, I'm so glad that he brought it to my attention & I too am working on changing my ways!

Kristen479 said...

I just wanted you to know that you are inspiring. Reading your blog is always a highlight of my day because you are so much like me. You're real and that's a rare quality these days.
The love you have for Aaron is a beautiful thing. And I commend you on realizing that social media is taking time away from the two of you. It's usually hard for people to notice things like that about themselves.
I too have had to give up social media for lent. I did it last year (I'm southern baptist too though!)
It was causing havoc in my life.
In the time I should have been devoting to God in prayer and reading his word, I was busy checking friends updates on facebook. I also locked myself in on my laptop or phone instead of spending quality time with my family. Giving up social media was hard, but very eye opening. And I've made a huge change in my life. I am no longer a slave to facebook/twitter. I can have a healthy balance.
So I'll pray for you to stay strong and allow God to lead you in a way that will show you how to have balance with socializing and spending time with Aaron.

Thanks again for your blog :)
It's very inspiring.
You make me want to strive to be a better woman. I'm not yet married, but just reading your words on your struggles and good times, and how you're striving to be a Proverbs 31 type of woman have touched my heart. One day I hope to be able to be a good wife like you seem to be. Keep up the hard work girl!

-Kristen S

shay said...

Another GREAT post! i started realizing a few weeks ago that when me and the hubs were at dinner, we'd both be sitting there, on our phones - playing games, updating fb, tweeting, and not spending time with EACH OTHER. and it made me really sad to realize that we're wasting our precious time together! but, like you said, its REALLY hard to resist the urge to just "check"...

i think as technology moves forward, this is going to be an ongoing problem. and i think one of the challenges we'll face is staying connected to people on a real and personal level...

Erin said...

I'm glad you put this out here so openly and honestly. I don't think I'm quite as addicted possibly as you admit you have been, but I definitely use social media more than necessary, just out of habit. My hubby, like yours, doesn't care much for FB, doesn't do twitter, etc.

What's worked for us is saying specific times we can/can't use our phones. Like no phones at the dinner table, no phones if we both have sat down to watch a movie/show together, etc. It helps to put limits and make me more aware of how often I WAS checking for updates!

Steph@ Living The Young Life said...

And this is why i deactivated my facebook... blake doesn't like it.. and well... i just think people are nosy including myself...i didn't use it right and knew people weren't on there looking at my stuff for the right reasons. people wouold call me about what my family was posting and making comments.. So i just took myself out of the equation... HARD TO DO.. but i have done it.. it just sucks because if used right it can help you stay in touch with people you wouldn't on a day to day basis.. but then i think how many times have you talked to them since you added them on facebook?

Lauren said...

Very good post! I think we could apply de-mediaing our life in all relationships. Had to link up on this one! :)

Nicole said...

I swear to you, you have been writing EVERYTHING I need to hear! This is a very large issue in my marriage right now, and I've contemplated giving up social media things for awhile until things get better. There should be 3 people in your marriage-you, husband, and GOD. Thanks for continuing to share your struggles-makes me feel more normal!

Carolyn said...

I completely know what you're saying!! My hubs gives me a hard time about being on my phone all the time too! I've almost deleted my fbook like 3 times because I just don't need it, but I can't bring myself to do it. LOL I took a bloggy break for a couple weeks, and it opened my eyes to just how much time I was spending!! I'm blogging again, but I'm making sure to not let it take over like last time! :)

Jennifer Delle Fave said...

Hubs has made comments to me, "you're that girl" and I didn't realize it, it just happened! I have gotten a lot better and now turn my phone off when we're together out to dinner, etc. He doesn't mind the picture taking, it's the checking/updating that are the problem. You're so right; they just want our attention, what's so bad about that?! Great post.

Shug in Boots said...

This is so true. And sad. But I am guilty as well. I try not to be on blogger, etc. unless my husband has something else to do. But, I have to make a constant effort to do so. Your blog is cute. Hate your "followers" gadget isn't working. I'll check back later and hopefully you'll be able to get it fixed. Love blogger sometimes.

Rebecca O said...

I am new here! and I am loving your blog! My relationship is SOOOOOO similiar to you and your hubbys! I was crying reading your Love Story! I am so excited to keep up with your blog! Rebecca @ roffenkr.blogspot.com

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