Wednesday, February 22, 2012

inside a relationship: take two

I would like to start off by expressing my love & gratitude
for all your sweet comments on my {inside a relationship} post a few days ago. I was so happy to see my words help you feel loved & supported.
Please know that is was my friends words who did the same thing to me
2.5 years ago. I hope you all open up & except yourself as a struggling wife or a learning wife. It's okay. Struggling may be considered stormy, but it's the rough patches that bring us to bigger better places. I've learned that. As long as you're willing to get to the bottom of it and make a difference - I believe you can overcome anything.

I wish you all can understand how much a a roller coaster ride my 11 years with Aaron has been. The best way I can get you to understand our {once upon a time} struggles is watch the movie, {The Break-Up}. When that came out, we had just gotten back together - went to see it & I'd say it was awkward for us. We were them {minus the comedy}. I can bet more than half my town {which is super small} never saw us getting married. So if you feel at the bottom of your unwinding relationship,
pick up {The Best Thing I Ever Did For My Marriage} and/OR
{Love & Respect} and read it.

You can thank me later.
Moving along....

I've been following Kelly from Kellys Korner for a while now.
Sadly, I haven't ever been a true follower. Until today. I saw her blog from another blog discussing what they were giving up for LENT.
On her header at the top of the page, I saw {Show Us Your Life}. I clicked & saw a listing of all things she discusses on Fridays through this link-up. Of course, my first eye catcher was {Marriage Advice}.

When I first started to read her marriage advice, I felt silly. Super silly.
Why? Because the first thing she stated was this...

"I have been married almost 8 years but I have to say - I don't like giving advice because I don't feel like I have it all figured out myself. I will share a few things I have learned."

Here I am, or there I was just a few days ago giving my advice
& I've only been married for shy of 6 months.
I immediately wanted to express myself & stress to everyone who read my post that day & the days to follow just how much I don't know about marriage. Clearly I have a long way to go. So, before I go any further I want to clarify my words & base them on any relationship between a man & a woman who are married or maybe see themselves being married somewhere in your future. I did state that I was writing what I thought helped a marriage OR possible marriage one day - but I wanted to make it understood.
Clearly I haven't learned or developed my thoughts based on just shy of six months.

I want you all to understand that my amazing friend Rachel came to me the December {2009} before getting engaged with the book that changed me -
the book that I believe was the best thing I ever did for myself and my relationship with Aaron. We were not even engaged yet & at a good place. But education and maybe a different way of seeing things is never a bad thing to look into. It wasn't until a whole year later we got engaged. And I truley believe our relationship grew stronger that year {2010} by my changes & realization on certain things. He never knew what was in that book.
So please understand, I clearly am not saying this is the way to go. But I do encourage it. THESE reasons are the {must haves} to a strong marriage/relationship {my opinion}. They are what I believe in. They are what I've learned in two years of studying how to be the wife God intended me to be. They've brought me to a much happier place.

I struggle of course. Everyday, all the time.
But I know we are solid. When I get weak and see these things lacking, I pick the
book back up and start reading. Reminding myself & encouraging myself.

So enough of that.
Back to {inside a relationship. take two}.

I think I've mentioned before that I am in a book study every Tuesday night
with a few friends of mine. We are studying "The Politically Incorrect Wife."
Great book & it's recommended.

Yesterday, I read chapter 8 and it covered how your husband is put first.
Over your parents, your friends, hobbies{blog} & even your children.
It totally touched me in so many ways.  I went over how the author once asked her husband "If you could change one thing about me, what would you change."
Instantly he replied, "I would change your mothering habits."
Wow! That hit home. If you were to ask me if I thought I "mothered" Aaron.
I would have said "No! No way." - however when it gave me examples -
It put me in my spot immediately.
It states {be your husbands wife. he already has a mother.}
Just think about it. Your husband or lover is your greatest friend, do your friends outside of your relationship with your lover "mother' you? Probably not.
Basically, if he wants to wear a certain thing. {me!} Let him. He is a big boy.  Don't remind him of his beer belly. Don't nag at him for leaving the clothes on the floor or the wet towels on the floor {me!} Don't treat him like a child. Respect him as your husband &
let him make his choices. He is the leader of your household.

This is something I am now working on. When I came home from study, I planned to ask Aaron that same question. However, he was exhausted from work and not really in his peppy mood. I decided to save it for later - a better time when I'd get the true answer.
I'd love for you to ask your men this & comment back with what he says.

Back to today / Running into Kellys blog.

I ran into her blog after commenting on Aly's post on participating in LENT.
I hopped over to her blog & she shared pretty much the same thing I shared with Aly.
I thought it was ironic.

{Is this GOD speaking to me?}

Okay, {getting off track here, sorry.} so she shared this link-up back on June 22, 2011.
I went back and read most every ones advice. I copied their addresses down linking to their advice and plan to share some of them next Tuesday at book study.
I also want to share them with you.

My advice topics were:
Love & Respect.
Respect your husband

Never stop dating.
Date Nights

with Family
HOW you come across/tone of voice

Desire your husband always

Your appearance

to read everything written out, go here.

Be sure to read Kellys advice. I knew I was drawn to this blog for a reason
because she started out with {Love & Respect} quoting the same
verses from the bible as I was sharing the other day. God is good!

Meet Whitney. {Married for 2.5 years} Another {Love & Respect} + some advice. Instantly felt connected to this post. I love how she urges couples to {argue} & to do things separately.

Kristen said two things that really struck my heart.
She mentions something her MIL taught her & something I've heard before but never paid attention to. She mentions how {women set the tones for their home}. LOVED that.
She also states at the very end {separate rooms for TV watching} - This is a rule in our home. No TV in our bedroom. Never. Think about it.

Kat wrote something that totally struck me.
She discussed how it was importany to keep your love private. Something
I'm very guilty of... only NOT keeping it private.

THIS newly wed made me feel sane, however she discuss the importance
of {getting intimate} in a marriage. I believe sex is very important.
Very important. Extremely.

I really loved Andreas advice on how important it is to be teammates.
It's a must read.

Remember how I ended my first post talking about how much
work a relationship really is. Well, Taylin shared advice that was
given to her by her parents. It's very short & sweet but I felt drawn to her dad's advice
because with mine and Aaron's worst {lowest} point in our relationship, I realized how much work is put into it. I felt if her Dad was in front of me when reading that, I would have hugged him very tight. I even gave her a shout out to give to him.

Lori gives a handful of advice but very much heart felt.
I love how she discusses how {Love is not a fairytale}. I agree with her however
I do believe in fairytale. I just believe everyone love story {& if you're married you have one} has their own fairytale. But yes, I do agree with what she says.

Courtney has a guest blogger that she linked-up. Starts with discussing the book {The Language of Love & Respect} but also  covers how you can get in a icky spot if you are one to read romance novels. Good story.

Ohhh there is SO many. I'm getting something from ALL of them.
I have several more I'd love to point out, but I'd be here all day with 132 {Marriage Advice} post.  Go back to Kellys Korner and find this post under her headline pages -so worth it. I'm still reading of them as I'm typing this post.

But before I wrap it up. I want you to visit Hannah.
Hannah didn't give advice. However she
shared a questionnaire that I plan to do with Aaron sometime this week.
It's really great.

And last but not least.
This is probably my newest favorite blog/website. I'll be here for some time, I know it.  Meet Courtney from WomanLivingWell.Org.
Wow. I'm overwhelmed with excitement. Read it. Mark it. Add it to your favorites.
Make sure to watch all of her sidebar videos - and don't miss out on the first video
where is visits The Rachel Ray show. Amazing!

She also provides a wonderful {FREE} printable
on Love & Respect here.
It's amazing & I'm started TODAY.


Last thing I promise.
Kat {mentioned up there} also shared an Emily Post Etitquette.I'm a die hard fan of Emily Post. But this was soemthing I really enjoyed reading.

How many times has one heard some one say: “I won’t dress for dinner—no one is coming in.” Or, “That old dress will do!” Old clothes! No manners! And what is the result? One wife more wonders why her husband neglects her! Curious how the habit of careless manners and the habit of old clothes go together. If you doubt it, put the question to yourself: “Who could possibly have the manners of a queen in a gray flannel wrapper? And how many women really lovely and good—especially good—commit esthetic suicide by letting themselves slide down to where they “feel natural” in an old gray flannel wrapper, not only actually but mentally. The woman of charm in “company” is the woman of fastidiousness at home; she who dresses for her children and “prinks” for her husband’s home-coming, is sure to greet them with greater charm than she who thinks whatever she happens to have on is “good enough.” Any old thing good enough for those she loves most! Think of it!

why {Your Appearance} is important.
I absoutlely L.O.V.E.D this. Everything about it. It falls under my examples of


Pink and Green Moms said...

Have you read The Power of a Praying Wife by Stormie Omartian? We just read it for Bible study...really good!!!

Jennifer Delle Fave said...

I just found your adorable blog and I can tell it's going to be a must read! I love your writing style...very poetic. Glad I clicked on over! :)

Steph@ Living The Young Life said...

i love love these posts you are doing! i'm going to email you something that happened yesterday on fbook you'll get a laugh i don't want to post it on here..

Jessica Nicole said...

Which book did your friend Rachel bring you? You named a few and I wasn't sure! I love this post. Your posts lately have really been hitting home- this one imparticularly about the mothering thing! I believe you are helping so many people with these (even if you don't think you 'have it all together yet!). Thank you!

Lins said...

I have LOVED reading your blog the past couple of days! I totally see what you are saying. I do believe I "mother" my husband at times. The last few nights as I was walking around the house doing wifey/mother things I was thinking about your blog in the back of my mind. I am so glad you you wrote this. I actually sent your blog to my friend who needed to read this for her marriage. I too read Kelly's Korner!

Molly said...

Loved these last two posts!!
Tagged you in a post!

brlracincwgrl said...

I really love the last 2 posts you have done on relationships! I feel that my boyfriend and I aren't on the same page the past couple weeks. And I nodded yes, when I read don't nag him about towels/clothes on the floor. I do that all the time.

I need to pick up both of those books!

P.S. I took your no sweat pant rule tonight. I feel better just because I look "cute"!

Pamela said...

LOVE THIS! Thank you for sharing!! AH, I do nag about the clothes on the floor :/ I am def going to back & look at these girls blogs & read their advice too! Thank you!!

Nikki said...

I love this post, thank you for sharing! We are currently going through our pre marital counseling and reading Tim Keller's book "The Meaning of Marriage". I highly recommend it!

Taylin said...

Great post!! You have a ton of tried and true advice packed into that post . . . very thought provoking stuff! I too (like a lot of others) am a "mothering" wife. Yikes!!! Putting a stop to that today for sure!
Thanks for the shout out to my Dad. His advice is a good thing to remember during those hard times. His words come to my mind even when things are going good.

Anonymous said...

This is such a great post! Thank you for sharing, I look forward to checking out the other blogs you mentioned also. I might not be married, yet, but I can definitely relate to a few things.

Thanks again! I look forward to following you and reading more of your posts.

Julie D said...

Well Jessica even though you have only been married a short time, you have great advice. I am married for 24 years and still its work in progress!!! I have taught my children to fight for what they want in life, anything that is worth having is going to take hard work and to never give up. That includes: relationships of any kind, jobs, school, the finer things in life etc. The best compliment I have received was on our Anniversary (February 20) my son's girlfriend sent me a text saying "To two of the most amazing parents. You've shown me what it means to be committed and I am very thankful for that." As you can see we treat her like our daughter they have been together since they were 16 also. They both live with us and on April 1 they will be together 4 years. So proud of them. I cried that meant alot to both me and my husband. After reading your blog and seeing all the ups and downs you guys have had, I do know that someday they will marry and look back at all the silly things they get upset about today..So for all of your honesty I thank you and will let you know when the wedding Sorry this is so long but I had to get it all in there.
Have a great week,
Julie D

Daisy said...

This post is great too! I don't want to nag my husband but I have been guilty of saying things like that.