a wife's struggles.

Wow. What a week it has been.

My heart is weighing in heavy today as I sit here to gather up all my thoughts

on this little post  on

finding balance as a wife.

Forgive me if I move around a lot because ...

well just because I am like that when I'm trying to express a point.

You ready? Good.

If you asked me today, "How's married life treating you?"
I'd say wonderful. It's really fun.

Most people say, "It hasn't changed."
Me? I think marriage has changed. In the big picture, no way. However
seeing life together with another person and placing the pieces together on HOW you plan to live life is something you just really don't discuss before saying I do.
I mean yea, I want three kids. You want two. I want to live in a busy town, you want the opposite. Joint accounts? Separate accounts. Beliefs. Promises. In-laws. Children.
All that you talk about but you aren't really given a lesson. Right?
Okay, well I didn't. I base it off how I grew up and how Aaron grew up.

Aaron and I have been married for 159 days. It's been absolutely wonderful.

It's so clique to type that it has been the best five months we've had but really and truly it has. After eleven years together you would think why these five months - what makes them the best?  To play catch up you should definitely read our story.

See what we've been doing every month ------>  1  2  3 4   5

Weeks prior to getting married, I shared what I expected out of myself

and what I really wanted to focus on as becoming a wife on this day.

I was smiling from ear to ear laughing at myself when I read my words & thoughts on how I thought marriage would not change us. Or hoped it wouldn't. Let's just say I still have my grocery list printed out and have yet to fill it out and I've been grocery shopping A LOT. And the "Please excuse the mess the children are making memories" sign still takes place in our house minus the children, replaced with Aaron and myself. We are both messy.  Which brings me to my first topic.

I am not here to share that shit has hit the roof. Because they have not.

Actually they've been pretty darn awesome. But I will admit me, myself, and I have had to do some changes. I've had a huge heart and heart with myself

I struggle with a few things and that's okay.

Bal - ance: noun -
a state of equilibrium or equipoise; equal distribution of weight, amount, etc.

My definition: juggling more than one thing and keeping it all together.

Balance for me? LACKING.

I've always been a busy girl over loading my schedule from second to second but when you find yourself walking into a house that can't seem to be picked up on a day to day basis, it's pretty frustrating but it's how that's how I roll. Waking up to getting ready for work and trying to think of what to cook for dinner... ha! - a joke, right?

It just wasn't {& still isn't} easy for me. I found myself feeling less of a good wife because balance wasn't anywhere.  I really really really really considered hiring a maid which if you remember on this day I said would never ever ever ever happen. What the heck? We don't even have kids yet? It really started to bother me. And cooking? I have a handful of things I seem to throw together but always thought of dinners back at home were never repeated as often as I repeat my dinner meals. Poor Aaron. Thankfully he isn't too picky, we have pizza & subway nights a lot... too much. Still working on this.

Both of our mothers have always seemed to have it all together. The houses are always kept up and a four course meal is always served at supper time.  Between the two of them it's a lot of match up too. When having this discussion with my hubby he reminded me that they didn't work and had time to have it all together. I understand that and it did make me see a little light however I am still so hard on myself.

It's been two weeks now that I've made a huge decision. Okay well maybe two decisions.
starting with

1} I am not hiring a maid.

2} It's time for changes; I had to say goodbye to coffee time in themornings with Momma. Except on Fridays.

Number two is a big deal. Most people get all mushy gushy on their wedding day

because little girl has grown up and moving away or moving on. Well

little girl has grown up but never moving away. I did not get all sapping with my dad{s}. I live a total of three minutes of my parents. Five minutes if I get caught at the stop sign at the four way stop or have to swing my the post office. No joke.
I get super sad when I don't see Momma often.

I've tried this before where I said "Momma, I'm gonna start running in the mornings, I'm not gonna come but on Wednesdays." Yeah, well that didn't happen. It literally worked for one day.

Well I was serious about giving up my morning coffee talk with Momma. It made more sense. Why?

my schedule for the past {year}

Alarm goes off at 5:40am. Get husband up. Sleep in til 6:15am ...most of the time 7am and rush up - take my bath - get my clothes on - out the door to Mommas by 7:45am. Either I do my hair at Moms or.. just left it like it was combing my fingers through it.

Leave her house between 8:15am and 8:20am - drive to work 9:00am to 6:00am. Most of the time I would grocery shop on my lunch break to give me time to get home at a reasonable hour at night. I walk in the door at 6:45pm rush to get supper prepared. Sit down & eat dinner together {very important to us}. Do the dishes. Rush to start laundry {this is where Aaron helps out a TON}. Rush to do whatever it is I need to do and still sit down and spend time with my husband which is by far my most important thing to do. How I walk out the door is how Aaron walks in the door to. {yikes}

Life was crazy and it was so hectic. My heart raced 90-to-nothing & felt

like I wasn't getting anything done. I wasn't enjoying anything thinking I was.

my schedule now

Alarm goes off at 5:40am. Get hubby up. I'm up at 6:15am no later. Take my bath, Pick up the living room {because usually we have it a mess from TV dates the night before}. Make my bed {like really make it}. Do my laundry {I've had laundry done everyday for the past two weeks}. Decide whats for dinner - lay it out. Toast a bagel or have cereal {another thing I'm trying to focus on} while drinking my coffee. Run my car before getting in it instead of just jumping in... freezing. I'm on the road by 8:15am & I'm put together and feel great. Go to work - still grocery shop on my lunch break. Come home at 6:45pm and there my husband is... waiting for me. My house is clean, it smells good and dinner is ready for cooking. Eat dinner. Do dishes. Sit down with my husband {without folding clothes} and really really reeeallly have time to breath and appreciate my day.

It is amazing what a one hour change can do for someones lifestyle.

I never told Aaron I was not going to Moms anymore because he would NEVER believe me. He would laugh at me. He knows how important that time with Momma is to me. Three days of him coming home to a spotless- smelling good house he asked me,

"Have you been going to your Moms?" At that moment I was proud to say, No I had to do some changes in order to make life easier. I've got to find a way to make all this happen.

Later realized how dumb I should feel because he noticed.

Let's just say I appreciate my Mom for all that she does and has ever done for
me and my life. And I don't even have children yet. Yikes!

So yes. After "I do", there are changes. You have to start looking at life on how you

see it in your future. Playing House no longer exists but it's better. The fun is still there of course but seeing marriage through a wives eyes rather than a girlfriend is pretty different.  A good different. It can be intimidating. There is a lot more responsibility involved. Balance in the Drew residence is on it's way. 

♥ a somewhat of a vlog will be coming very soon.
stay tuned.