Friday, February 10, 2012

a wife's struggles.

Wow. What a week it has been.
My heart is weighing in heavy today as I sit here to gather up all my thoughts
on this little post  on

finding balance as a wife.
Forgive me if I move around a lot because ...
well just because I am like that when I'm trying to express a point.

You ready? Good.

If you asked me today, "How's married life treating you?"
I'd say wonderful. It's really fun.

Most people say, "It hasn't changed."
Me? I think marriage has changed. In the big picture, no way. However
seeing life together with another person and placing the pieces together on HOW you plan to live life is something you just really don't discuss before saying I do.
I mean yea, I want three kids. You want two. I want to live in a busy town, you want the opposite. Joint accounts? Separate accounts. Beliefs. Promises. In-laws. Children.
All that you talk about but you aren't really given a lesson. Right?
Okay, well I didn't. I base it off how I grew up and how Aaron grew up.
Aaron and I have been married for 159 days. It's been absolutely wonderful.
It's so clique to type that it has been the best five months we've had but really and truly it has. After eleven years together you would think why these five months - what makes them the best?  To play catch up you should definitely read our story.

See what we've been doing every month ------>  1  2  3 4   5

Weeks prior to getting married, I shared what I expected out of myself
and what I really wanted to focus on as becoming a wife on this day.
I was smiling from ear to ear laughing at myself when I read my words & thoughts on how I thought marriage would not change us. Or hoped it wouldn't. Let's just say I still have my grocery list printed out and have yet to fill it out and I've been grocery shopping A LOT. And the "Please excuse the mess the children are making memories" sign still takes place in our house minus the children, replaced with Aaron and myself. We are both messy.  Which brings me to my first topic.

I am not here to share that shit has hit the roof. Because they have not.
Actually they've been pretty darn awesome. But I will admit me, myself, and I have had to do some changes. I've had a huge heart and heart with myself
I struggle with a few things and that's okay.

Bal - ance: noun -
a state of equilibrium or equipoise; equal distribution of weight, amount, etc.

My definition: juggling more than one thing and keeping it all together.

Balance for me? LACKING.

I've always been a busy girl over loading my schedule from second to second but when you find yourself walking into a house that can't seem to be picked up on a day to day basis, it's pretty frustrating but it's how that's how I roll. Waking up to getting ready for work and trying to think of what to cook for dinner... ha! - a joke, right?
It just wasn't {& still isn't} easy for me. I found myself feeling less of a good wife because balance wasn't anywhere.  I really really really really considered hiring a maid which if you remember on this day I said would never ever ever ever happen. What the heck? We don't even have kids yet? It really started to bother me. And cooking? I have a handful of things I seem to throw together but always thought of dinners back at home were never repeated as often as I repeat my dinner meals. Poor Aaron. Thankfully he isn't too picky, we have pizza & subway nights a lot... too much. Still working on this.

Both of our mothers have always seemed to have it all together. The houses are always kept up and a four course meal is always served at supper time.  Between the two of them it's a lot of match up too. When having this discussion with my hubby he reminded me that they didn't work and had time to have it all together. I understand that and it did make me see a little light however I am still so hard on myself.
It's been two weeks now that I've made a huge decision. Okay well maybe two decisions.
starting with
1} I am not hiring a maid.
2} It's time for changes; I had to say goodbye to coffee time in themornings with Momma. Except on Fridays.

Number two is a big deal. Most people get all mushy gushy on their wedding day
because little girl has grown up and moving away or moving on. Well
little girl has grown up but never moving away. I did not get all sapping with my dad{s}. I live a total of three minutes of my parents. Five minutes if I get caught at the stop sign at the four way stop or have to swing my the post office. No joke.
I get super sad when I don't see Momma often.

I've tried this before where I said "Momma, I'm gonna start running in the mornings, I'm not gonna come but on Wednesdays." Yeah, well that didn't happen. It literally worked for one day.

Well I was serious about giving up my morning coffee talk with Momma. It made more sense. Why?

my schedule for the past {year}
Alarm goes off at 5:40am. Get husband up. Sleep in til 6:15am ...most of the time 7am and rush up - take my bath - get my clothes on - out the door to Mommas by 7:45am. Either I do my hair at Moms or.. just left it like it was combing my fingers through it.
Leave her house between 8:15am and 8:20am - drive to work 9:00am to 6:00am. Most of the time I would grocery shop on my lunch break to give me time to get home at a reasonable hour at night. I walk in the door at 6:45pm rush to get supper prepared. Sit down & eat dinner together {very important to us}. Do the dishes. Rush to start laundry {this is where Aaron helps out a TON}. Rush to do whatever it is I need to do and still sit down and spend time with my husband which is by far my most important thing to do. How I walk out the door is how Aaron walks in the door to. {yikes}

Life was crazy and it was so hectic. My heart raced 90-to-nothing & felt
like I wasn't getting anything done. I wasn't enjoying anything thinking I was.

my schedule now
Alarm goes off at 5:40am. Get hubby up. I'm up at 6:15am no later. Take my bath, Pick up the living room {because usually we have it a mess from TV dates the night before}. Make my bed {like really make it}. Do my laundry {I've had laundry done everyday for the past two weeks}. Decide whats for dinner - lay it out. Toast a bagel or have cereal {another thing I'm trying to focus on} while drinking my coffee. Run my car before getting in it instead of just jumping in... freezing. I'm on the road by 8:15am & I'm put together and feel great. Go to work - still grocery shop on my lunch break. Come home at 6:45pm and there my husband is... waiting for me. My house is clean, it smells good and dinner is ready for cooking. Eat dinner. Do dishes. Sit down with my husband {without folding clothes} and really really reeeallly have time to breath and appreciate my day.

It is amazing what a one hour change can do for someones lifestyle.
I never told Aaron I was not going to Moms anymore because he would NEVER believe me. He would laugh at me. He knows how important that time with Momma is to me. Three days of him coming home to a spotless- smelling good house he asked me,
"Have you been going to your Moms?" At that moment I was proud to say, No I had to do some changes in order to make life easier. I've got to find a way to make all this happen.
Later realized how dumb I should feel because he noticed.

Let's just say I appreciate my Mom for all that she does and has ever done for
me and my life. And I don't even have children yet. Yikes!
So yes. After "I do", there are changes. You have to start looking at life on how you
see it in your future. Playing House no longer exists but it's better. The fun is still there of course but seeing marriage through a wives eyes rather than a girlfriend is pretty different.  A good different. It can be intimidating. There is a lot more responsibility involved. Balance in the Drew residence is on it's way. 

a somewhat of a vlog will be coming very soon.
stay tuned. 


Michelle P said...

Great post! Glad you guys are doing wonderful!

Ashley said...

great post! I think a lot of women can relate - especially those of us who work. A lot changes and you don't understand that until you see it first hand...what i expected of myself as a wife changed - a lot. I have been SLACKING in the wife department especially with meals. The Husband has done a lot of the cooking and I am feeling MAJOY guilty! great post - it sounds like you are well on your way to feeling satisfied with your schedule and your daily happenings =) I know running around crazy was probably a little exhilerating - I use to be the same. But having a little more time makes me feel a lot less crazy lol!
Happy Friday!

Domesticable said...

hey girly! This must be what they call the 5 month itch... Today is our 5 month anniversary and we are going through the exact same stuff! You think they would give us a manual on this whole concept of marriage.

PS. I love your blog and we are wedding twins! Good luck and you can always vent to me because I'm sure we are going through similar stuff!


Melissa Maloney said...

I imagine that my life won't change much. We've been on the same schedule always and kids are almost grown. But after reading this...maybe it will.

Ashley said...

The one thing I learned with our marriage is: do not make future plans. Live life to the fullest. Everydayw as spent rushing too and you miss soo much, the little moments that will melt your heart. Our house is vacuumed every night and heck sometimes the dishes aren't done everynight, but we had time together. M and I had our life planned out, and it was disappointing when things didn't go our way. Now we live each day for each day. Plans will happen on God's time not ours.

Gina said...

oh my goodness, this is so my life--every single day! it's hard being a working woman, especially with an old fashioned husband like mine. i think so many women will be able to relate to this--great post!

Bonnie-Lynn said...

I am sure it has been very hard to cut out coffee every morning with your mom but good for you to realize something had to give. Most people stay in denial & that is how things start to go south for so long.

I am glad you are feeling better when you come home at night, that makes a difference!!!

Carolyn said...

I just made a change too! It's definitely an adjustment, but don't you feel like a good wifey!?!?!? :)

Mrs. Robinson said...

I was so happy to come across this post. I have a pretty difficult time keeping a balanced, calm, clean, good-smelling home too! It's great encouragement to come across ladies who make me feel better about our house of disarray. Happy Friday - thanks for being so honest!

shay said...

i can definitely relate to this post, and i think you are doing a great job of COMPROMISE. yes, it was probably really hard to give up the time with your mom, but now your husband and your family comes first. that doesn't mean you can't make time for your mom at other times... its definitely a challenge to be a working wife, but keep at it and you have all of us to vent to!

Marjorie said...

I can relate so much to this post! Thank you for sharing. I found like you that a schedule and sticking to it is the difference between a good day and bad. We have broken up the chores as his and mine. I have one laundry day and food shopping day: Friday. I have found that cooking crock pot meals helps greatly. You can leave food to cook while at work and come home to dinner ready. It all boils down to self displine. Doing the laundry when you don't feel like, making your bed even though no one will see it, etc. it's always a work in progress and persistence is key! :)

Katie said...

Oh girl! When I got married, I had the same issues!! I promise, it gets easier. You two will find your groove, promise! It took the hubsy and I a few months, maybe even a year, but we got it. It does make life easier when you have a routine, but don't be too hard on yourself, you've got your whole lives! :)

Lins said...

I totally loved reading this post. I am so jealous that you are only 3 mins from your parents! I live an hour and 15 mins from mine. I am an only child...since we live over an hour away I promise I talk to my mom on the phone no less than four times a day!

~Katie said...

Girl, I am sitting here with tears in my eyes after reading this. I just got married this past August, we both work and are finishing up school, and this past week I've felt like I was drowning. This post was exactly what I needed to read to help me get my butt in gear. Thanks for the great post!

Amanda @ New Adventures said...

I think every wife struggles with balance. I have been struggling lately with balancing the new job, training for a half marathon, friend time, and the hubby. It's definitely not easy!

Pamela said...

I absolutely love this. Thank you SO much for sharing this. I feel better knowing that I am not the only one that feels the same way! I read some of the other girls comments too. I am very close to my mom too & always have been. I tend to freak out, trying to get everything done. I shouldn't be like that.

lori said...

this is a great post. i love your honestly... and its so true that sometimes you really have to re-evaluate your schedule and how and why it is {or isnt} working...

i honestly had no idea what went into grocery shopping, meal planning and cooking dinner. i appreciate my mom on a whole new level.

good job on making changes to make yourself and your marriage more balanced. i think its something we all need to work on sometimes.

Holly said...

I know I'm a little late posting on this but I just wanted to share that I've been going through the same thing with my fiance. We already live together because we moved 12 hours away from home for his job promotion & I NEVER make dinner. He always cooks. I do the laundry & cleaning. He cooks & does dishes. Am I a bad wife/fiance for not cooking? I am stressed about my future (career wise - do I go to law school or do I become a teacher?) CRAZY! I think whatever you choose to do with your life is up to you. Believe in yourself and do what makes you happy :)

Shayna Embry said...

I have to say THANK YOU for writing this post! My boyfriend & I have been together 3 years & lived together for 2 years. Balancing "it all" is something that I struggle with often! & I think the same thing, "we don't even have kids yet!?" My boyfriend is great at reassuring me that it will all get done, it just takes a little longer than I would like! Finding balance in our life together is what I've been trying to do for the last several weeks as well! Thanks again for this post! It really hit home & makes me realize that I'm not alone in that small uphill battle!


Shug in Boots said...

What a true post. Yeah - no one can describe how marriage changes you, or at least it should. If it doesn't then your priorities are out of order. It took me a while to feel and know that my husband is my immediate family now - not my mom (and dad and siblings) ... and making decisions ... whose opinion is really important (my husband's) and whose opinion is secondary (mama's/everybody else's). I had to take a big step because choosing husband/marriage meant moving 3 hours away from Mama & what I called home. But, God has made a lot of changes to my heart over the last 3 years. (Anniversary in 3 days!) Good for you for posting! Also totally true what getting up on time and allowing a little cushion time between waking and leaving for work will do. So much less stress!